Gone Mad!

Who would think teaching adults could be so hard?

Today was my first day teaching at Miss Courtney's school, and let me say , its a good thing they had those classroom windows nailed down, or else i would have gone crazy and climbed out like that other English teacher Mr.Warburton. To start off, Mrs Courtney, i mean Miss Courtney, surely is the boss. She was disappointed to see that i was a man, she was hoping that a woman, which has more stamina according to Miss feminist, would be teaching the foreign class. Its too early to judge , but she scares me.

As for the group of 10 foreign adults,the students all came with the only aim to learn English , something tells me this class has a lot more to offer.
It is when i demonstrated "sit down" to the class that i figured this would be interesting, and very tough .

Max, the funny looking Greek, told me he works with big sheeps and tonkers - big ships and tankers, not as bad as the Italian Giovanni who is a cookada , he cookadas sphagetti, ravioli and lasagna... yes , this class definately has more to offer. Then theres Jamila, who spoke Hindi throughout the entire lesson. And Ali Nadeem, the Pakistani who claims to get more money when hes not working.

Ranjeet, a devoted Sikh gave 'a thousand apologies' for his lateness and refused to sit beside Ali Nadeem for religious issues, just what we need in a class with 10 different nationalities and beliefs!
Juan, the Spanish bartender filled with 'por favor's, does not speak a word of English .

Then theres the efficient German Anna who argues with Japanese businessman Taro :"Germans are ze best!" , but "The Japanese have much better terevision and camelas!".
So far a race riot and a holy war almost broke out in a single class- i wonder how this year will pass me by.
Miss Courtney walked in and rambled on about race or religion not being as much of an issue compared to the jealousy of foreign beauty until we were interrupted by Danielle , the French goddess. I told Miss Courtney there was nothing to worry about- who was i kidding.

I went to Miss Courtneys office to hand in the student's registration fees, and by the time i returned to class,
Giovanni and Max were on theyre way out to "havada punch down". They were fighting for the seat in front and when i asked for an explanation, they claimed it was because of their physical disabilities. Giovannis eyes were bad, and Maxs 'hears' were bad - not that it had anything to do with Danielle sitting in front.

And then came the 10th student, Su-Li, a young revolutionary minded woman from the "Democlatic Lepublic of China", who is the secretary of the Chinese Embassador. I was finally able to start the lesson, I introduced them to the basic English verb 'to be' and asked each student to give me a sentence using the verbs 'i am, you are, he/she or it is, we are, you are and they are' , little did i know.

I AM : "I amo very happy to be learningo Engolish" said Taro. His level of English proficiency is higher than many of the students.

HE IS : Giovanni looks at Max,"He isada fool" .

SHE IS: Max turns to Danielle "She is beautiful, she is wonderful, oo she is..".

I asked Juan to form a sentence using 'it is'. "Por favor?" he said.

Su-Li strikes "It is duty of evely citizen to overthlow Impelial Warmongers, so say Chairman Mao"

WE ARE : "We are lucky to 'ave such a good 'andsome teacher" said Danielle . Every one seemed to be moving closer to the front. Yes, Miss Courtney, foreign beauty is dangerous.

I asked Ali to give me a sentence with 'you are' , the smart man responded "You are waiting for me to speak an answer!". However, he didnt quite understand the question , i was trying to explain it to him until Ranjeet called him a 'stupid poof' and a fight broke out between the two.

After finally getting them to sit down, i assigned a task- which seemed like the biggest mistake. A bunch of questions were being thrown from every part of the room, in every language. I explained as fast as i could, gathered my things and ran out of the classroom-literally.

What a day, and to top it all i bumped into Mrs Courtney, i mean Miss Courtney on my way out. I thought it would be a good time to tell her to add some nails to that window , just to be on the safe side.

DISCLAIMER : This blog is for academic use only and is taken from the show "Mind Your Language" , I do not claim any of this material as my own.